SSB TWISTED!
by Kitoshi
Summary: It's mostly a comedy kind of story, but there's a little twisted romance I added in between Mario, Peach and Bowser... oh and a lil bit between Link and Zelda... happy readings!
1. Kidnappings and Robberies all oveR!

SSB TWISTED!!!  
  
Hi peeps! Lmfao, never called anyone that before, ANYWHO! Lets now start are beautiful little story of SSB! And if it doesn't make sense at any point in time well...ionno...   
  
Chapter 1 – Kidnappings/Robberies All Over...?!  
  
One nice summer afternoon Princess Peach was humming outside Mario's house having fun picking out flowers for him until the sky suddenly went pitch black... then all of a sudden there was a loud scream and Princess Peach was gone when light had returned. Mario hearing the scream popped out and rushed towards Bowser's Castle. He quickly stormed into Bowser's throne room.  
  
"Release Princess Peach now!" Mario demanded while Bowser looked at him confused.  
  
"I don't have Princess Peach... I was planning on kidnapping her on Tuesday afternoon when she's usually at your house picking flowers for you...." Bowser replied reading the Daily Toad magazine.  
  
"Wha...?" Mario said looking puzzled "If you didn't kidnap her who did...?"  
  
"She's been kidnapped?!?!" Bowser roared  
  
"Yes..." Mario replied still wondering who had kidnapped her  
  
"This is it! My time has come to prove to Princess Peach that I am more worthy of her love than Mario!!" Bowser thought to himself "Ahem... I shall dispatch some... Goomba's and Paratroopa's to go look for her..." Bowser said to Mario "You may leave now..." as two Goombas came in and led him out of the castle.  
  
Meanwhile up, up, up, up in space where Fox's overly large ship laid Fox and his friends talking about their last mission with a cup of Java in their hands. Suddenly the lights went dark and they heard Slippy yelp for help and when the lights returned he was gone.  
  
"Slippy?!" Peppy asked frantically  
  
"What the?!" Falco yelled  
  
"He's gone..." Fox said "Let's go boys! We're getting Slippy back!" as they ran towards the R-wings off towards wherever they thought Slippy was taken to...  
  
A week after the kidnappings of Princess Peach and Slippy the frog, Jigglypuff and Pikachu didn't think anyone would harm a cute and adorable pokemon like them, so they carried on with their usual daily routines of eating and living in overly large poke balls as houses etc. Then one afternoon while Jigglypuff was singing in the forest ,which Pikachu fallen asleep because of it, a dark pink figure stepped up to Jigglypuff over shadowing her and took away its beloved marker and kicked her into the sky far, far up. An hour later he came pelting down like a meteor right on top of Pikachu causing Pikachu to have a fit, but then noticed that Jigglypuff was crying and told Pikachu about the dark pink figure and her stolen marker. Meanwhile in the jungle DK was sleeping happily in his tree house in the middle of the night, but something lurked in the deep, deep forest stealing the banana's while DK was fast asleep unaware that when he'd wake up to grab a banana from a nearby tree, there would be none!  
  
A day later on the school playground Ness was playing base-ball with his friends. Little did he know that in the crowd laid the evil scheming pink figures sneaking into the change room and quietly crept into his bag and stole his favourite yoyo! After the game when Ness went into the locked room to get his yoyo to play with it wasn't there (obviously, lol) he searched the whole locker for it, but couldn't find it. As he was searching he then found pink dark piece of paper shaped like a hand on the floor beside his bag and knew that someone had stolen it... now he was off to find out who...  
  
Well, that's all folks, I know I know... it's sad that it's over... but next chapter will be up in a bit... I hope... review please... tell me the truth too 


	2. Kidnappings and Robberies Again!

SSB TWISTED 2!!!  
  
Kyo: Welcome! To another addition of SSB twisted, but because of my short amount of creativity and imagination in my brain these chapters will be quite short, but hopefully enjoyable... Happy Readings! =)  
  
Chapter Two – More Victims...?!  
  
Deep, deep in the quarters of the evil mastermind behind all the troubles to the beloved Nintendo characters lay floating in the air plotting...  
  
"Sir! We have successfully taken away the child's play toy." the pink figure said.  
  
"Good... now whose left...?" as he brought up a digital screen with many faces of the Nintendo characters on them, "Hmm... I think the next target shall be... him!" as he pointed his finger towards the picture of Link.  
  
"What shall we do to him, sir?" the pink figure asked  
  
"Take away his beloved woman... that shall be more than enough to bring that noble fool here..." the evil mastermind laughed hysterically as the pink figure soon joined in.  
  
A day later in the calm beautiful land of Hyrule, everything was nice and calm as Princess Zelda was out in the fields riding along Link on a nice afternoon. They then sat down on the grass and began talking about there future for the rest of their life. Right when they were about to kiss the sky suddenly went dark and a barrage of pink oddly shaped figures came out from the sky surrounding them.  
  
"Zelda!" Link yelled as he was being pulled away from her by the pink figures  
  
"Link!!!" Zelda yelled back being taken away by the pink figures back into the portal they came through; while Link stood there helplessly watching her disappear.  
  
Meanwhile, on Yoshi's island everybody was at the Yoshi dance festival jumpin' around and doing whatever Yoshis' do at there festivals. Quietly behind the scenes a group of evil pink figures crept into the Egg storeroom.  
  
"How's everyone doing t'night?!" Yoshi yelled in his Yoshi language while everyone cheered "Now! For our famous Egg-a-tho--!" but was cut short as a barrage of eggs started flying everywhere from the Egg storeroom hitting every Yoshi in the face including Yoshi himself. After the Egg bombing everyone headed toward the Egg storeroom to find it completely empty and destroyed. With this Yoshi quickly departed off to find out the culprit of this disaster on his favourite day during the Yoshi Dance Festival and quickly chased after whoever did it.  
  
Far, far away on the distant planet of Dreamland, Kirby was lazily sleeping in his little mini hut beside his watermelon field. Just then something had snatched one watermelon... then another... and another... until there was only one left where it was crushed to pieces with a note on it saying:  
To Kirby,  
  
Muahahahaha! How does it feel to have your precious  
little watermelon field destroy?!!? Now you shall never see it  
  
it grow back for I had ripped out its roots so it shall never  
  
Sincerely, an  
Evil person  
  
When Kirby had woken up and reached out to grab his daily watermelon for breakfast he had completely fainted from the shock of seeing them all gone and only one 'corpse' left of his beautiful patch. When he awoke and looked at his patch, he began to mope and saw a not on the last watermelon and read it. After reading he quickly left Dreamland to go look for his evil culprit...  
  
Kyo: Sorry folks, but that time has come again where I have to stop the story for now... hope you enjoy it although I'm sorry I added more of the kidnapping stuff but I forgot a few of the SSB characters... hehe, review for me please, Thank you 


	3. Working Together!

SSB Twisted 3!!!  
  
Kyo: Yep yep! It's that time again! Another chapter of... drum roll SSB TWISTED!! cricket cricket. Yeah, yeah everyone's a critic... anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you enjoyed the first two... happy readings!  
  
Chapter 3 - Working together...!?  
  
A week later after the kidnappings and robberies of our favourite Nintendo characters, Bowser had gotten tired of waiting for his troops return of hopefully success on their voyage and decided to go see if Mario had any luck with the kidnapping of Princess Peach. When he arrived to Mario's pipe house, he noticed Mario was very ill and tired sitting on the steps towards his house moping and all.  
  
"What's wrong with you...?" Bowser asked in his low grunt trying not to sound caring  
  
"Still can't find out who kidnapped Peach..." Mario said glumly with a sigh  
  
"SNAP OUT OF IT YOU DEPRESSED CHILD!!" Bowser yelled while slapping Mario across the face multiple times and then tossing him into his pipe/chimney and ran inside "Whew that felt good..." he said laughing at the stoned face of Mario in shock lying on his bed. Just then a large package had dropped through the roof nearly flattening Bowser. "HOLY! What the bloody hell is that?!" he yelled at the large package and started to shred the box madly with his claws to reveal a TV set which automatically turned on with a glove standing there and spoke.  
  
"You fools! You have the camera upside down!" the glove roared and the angle went upside down.  
  
"But sir! This is the right way!" the camera-man yelped  
  
"What?! Are you mad defying me!? I created you!" the glove roared back  
  
"No sir! But it is this way up sir!" the camera-man explained ", SEE!" as the screen went back right-side up.  
  
"Oh, shut up! Wait! What's that red light mean?!" the glove yelled  
  
"It means it's been recording since we started arguing in the beginning...Uh... oh..." the camera-man explained with terror in his voice  
  
"WHAT?!?! CUT! CUT IT!!" the glove roared and it turned off. Two seconds later it came back on with the glove again appearing on the screen.  
  
"Ahem... hello, victim of my evil plot!" the glove said triumphantly  
  
"Wait sir... Let me check if it's recording..." the camera-man spoke again  
  
"WHAT?! YOU MEAN IT MIGHT NOT OF BEEN RECORDING?!" the glove yelled yet again at the camera-man  
  
"Nope! It's been record...ing..." the camera-man said slowly  
  
"What?! You just made me lose my good introduction!" the glove yelled  
  
"Just continue..." the camera-man said sighing and recording  
  
"Fine... but this is coming out of your paycheque..." the glove retorted  
  
"I don't get paid..." the camera-man replied  
  
"SHUT UP! Anyways! Ahem... yes... here is Princess Peach... bring her here!" as Princess Peach appeared on the screen waving happily at the camera and was pulled away two seconds later. "Anyways, yes you will now find your way to this mysterious island if you ever hope to seeing her agai- !" but was interrupted by Peach popping onto the screen again  
  
"Hi Mario! I hope you and Bowser aren't fighting... and good luck in finding me! Oops! Looks like times up... tat a!" Princess peach yelled and the screen went blank while Mario and Bowser stood there looking at the screen stoned. After a minute or two they looked away from the TV set and then stared at each other. Finally after an hour of staring at one another Bowser said,  
  
"If we have any hope of getting her back..."  
  
"We gotta work together...!" Mario finished off looking brighter than the day as he somehow shaved his beard that he had grown over the past month of thinking and waiting on his doorstep. After they quickly set off to Mushroom kingdom to get something to eat before they departed together (gasp! ().  
  
Kyo: Sorry to say folks, but it's that time again where I have to stop the story here... and if the chapters confuse you... don't worry, your not alone...=) they confuse me too... Wasn't sure how to make the story so yeah... just winging it... till next time... this is Kitoshi Asano... Good-bye... 


	4. The Obstacles Kirby and Ness

SSB TWISTED 4!!!  
  
Kyo: HI AGAIN FOLKS!  
  
Folks: Hi Author Kyo!  
  
Kyo: Okay... yeah... I know I'm not doing that ever again... too disturbing. Anywho, yeah... time for another chapter... hehe, yeah these things do come pretty fast, but their short so yeah... anyways... hope you enjoy what you read... and if u don't... send a review to tell me... at least it'll make me feel better...=). NOW! ONWARD WITH THE CHAPTER!  
  
Chapter 4 – The Obstacle (Kirby and Ness)  
  
It had been two weeks since Kirby received the transmission of the glove and his beloved watermelon patch behind him in the refrigerator. Now he searches through the seven galaxies in search of his beloved watermelon patch, but because of his lack in watermelon protein, he has started to become weak and feeble and has started to hallucinate, seeing watermelons everywhere he looked at. One day because of his lack of watermelon protein he saw a planet which looked exactly like his old watermelon that he grew a month ago, the largest of his patch. Quickly without thinking Kirby led his warp star into the 'watermelon' planet. But little did Kirby know that as much as he would of loved to see the watermelons... they would be also very happy to see him... or any other visitor. As he landed on the planet he quickly jumped off and started searching the trees and grounds for watermelons with super speed, for his lust was going to his head. He then found a patch of watermelons on the ground and without checking anything quickly jumped into the patch and gobbled each one as quickly as he could, but then noticed them starting to move and backed away from the patch. Then all of a sudden...  
  
POP! They had popped out of the ground and with their deliciously juicy inner area had opened to create a very scary looking mouth with sharp teeth and eye popped out with seeds within them. Kirby scared out of his mind that he had just eaten around ten of them threw the one in his hand into the air causing it to go –splat-. He quickly ran for his life, seeing the crazed watermelons behind him trying to take a bite out of his chubby little round body. Running so fast, Kirby reached his warp star, at a miraculous speed and quickly fled the dangerous man-eating watermelon planet, which were on the ground howling and trying to shoot seeds at him.  
  
Meanwhile in a secret lab under a shack, Ness, was experimenting with his pika-thunder, and pika-fires so that they were ready when he set out to find this island. Just then when he started packing his pika-fires, one exploded setting everything off, when he sneezed causing a spark from his pika-thunder causing a huge explosion sending Ness flying out of the shack and landed on his mom's beloved flower. Ness got up brushing himself off when his mother came out into the garden and saw her beloved flowers squashed and ruined.  
  
"YOUNG MAN, YOU BETTER HAVE ONE GOOD HELL OF AN EXCUSE FOR THIS!!" she roared seeing her demolished flowers.  
  
"Now... umm... mom, it was an accident! I didn't run into your garden and ruin everything! Honest!" Ness tried explaining.  
"NOT GOOD ENOUGH! AND WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO TO OUR SHACK!" as she saw half the shack was burnt and had a hole shaped like Ness.  
  
"Well... uhh... that I can't explain..." Ness said turning a little red in the ears  
  
"Go straight to your room young man... and stay there until we call you down for dinner..." she said in a final sort of way  
  
"But mom! My yoyo!" Ness tried complaining  
  
"No buts! Now go straight to your room!" as she pointed towards the house and Ness slowly walked into his room and started making orgami.  
  
Kyo: Well sorry about this horribly made chapter, but I couldn't think of anything funny for either of these characters so yeah... thanks for the reviews pplz, and I hope you continue reading ma story... until next time... cya later! Muahah! Rofl... 


	5. Commercial Break, Jokes

SSB TWISTED INTERMISSION #1  
  
Kyo: Well, this is a little new probably to the people who write fanfics, cause of the horrible sense of humour I have, this is my new invention... THE FANFIC INTERMISSION! LOL, yeah, I know, corny... but what can I say... nothing else to do... so here's your little amusement of an intermission... Oh and these intermissions will come in with every four chapters... So enjoy! Oh one more thing, sorry for the disturbing laughter in the last chapter... at the bottom... too much glug glug for me...  
  
Okay peeps! FK! I said that stupid-butt phrase again! Anywho! Yeah... time for some jokes... thought I'd share these with you... some are dirty, some are odd, and some are funny... and off we go!  
  
#1: The Genie in a Bottle... (No offence to the blondes...)  
  
Okay... Once upon a time... there were three girls walking around the mall, they were a blonde, brunette, and a red-head, and so they were walking and then spotted this sign that read 'Tell the truth, get whatever your deepest desire is, lie and feel the wraith of the genie'. So the girls then went into the booth one by one and the brunette went in first and said  
  
"My dad owns a large company." And POOF, came a corvette and she drove off. Next the red-head goes in and says  
  
"I am really popular at school" and poof, a million dollars popped into the wallet and she left to go on a shopping spree. Finally the blonde went in and said  
  
"I think-"POOF she was gone... get it...? I do =) NEXT!  
  
#2: The Three Most Painful Chinese Tortures!  
  
Okay, there was this guy right...? And he had been walking around the country side for miles and miles, and not a place to stay in, but then when he was walking through a wheat field he stumbled upon a house! Quickly he ran towards the door and knocked on it. The door swung open to reveal an old man with a rifle. The young man pleaded to the old one  
  
"Please, let me stay here for the night. I have been walking and walking the country side for miles and miles, let me stay here for one night to regain my strength..." and the old man seeing this let him stay on one condition, if he lay one finger upon his daughter, he would put upon him the three most painful Chinese tortures. The man thought this would be easy considering his old age, his daughter was probably as old as he was... and wrinkly. But was HE ever wrong. At dinner, he had finally seen the old man's daughter and had no other words to phrase it in his mind, but she was HOT AS HELL! In the middle of the night, he couldn't help himself and quietly snuck into his daughter's room and had sex with her. When he awoke, he felt something heavy on his chest and opened his eyes to see what it was. Right there laying on his chest was a large boulder and there was a note attached to it, it read: 'Chinese torture #1: Boulder on chest'.  
  
The boy laughed and said "If this is all the old man has, that he's sad..." as he picked up the boulder and threw it out the window. Smiling feeling proud of his macho strength, he then noticed a second piece of paper on the window ceil which read: 'Chinese torture #2: Boulder attached to left testicle'. Quickly thinking, he would rather have a couple broken bones than have his testicle ripped off, so he jumped out the window. As he was falling, he noticed another piece of paper on the wall of the house which read: 'Chinese torture #3: Right testicle attached to bed-post'. OUCH! THE END!  
  
#3: Yo Mama's so fat...  
  
Yo mama's so fat she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.  
  
Kyo: Well, that's all folks, yeah, those were pretty cruel jokes, but yeah... at least these things are kinda funnier than the story... till next time, see ya'll later! What the?!  
  
Mika: Poke! PUFF YOUR CHEEKS! Hehe, poke, poke, poke!  
  
Kyo: STOP! AH!!  
  
Reiko: Poe Poe La..!!  
  
Kyo: AHH!! MUST RUN!!...  
  
Someone steps in front of him, and he looks up  
  
Kyo: Uh oh...  
  
Sakayo: FREE TICKLES! It's my birthday  
  
THIS MEANS NOTHING! IT WAS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH AT THE CRUELTY I GOT AT SCHOOL... AND SPREAD ANY RUMOURS AND I"LL RIP OUT YOUR THROAT! ... Thank you come again... 


	6. DK's Slippery Issue

SSB TWISTED 5!!!  
  
Kyo: Hi people.... Sorry if this chapter sucks like hell, but I'm not exactly in the perfect state of mind, after 8 hours of sports... so, if you'll excuse me... enjoy the chapter... and I hope you liked the jokes during the intermission... feel free to submit some if you like... happy readings!... Oh, sorry people for not writing for so long... I kinda had reader's block... only know the end parts to it... so if this chap sux... well... just be honest in the review then...=)  
  
Chapter 5 – DK's Slippery Issue  
  
"BaNaNaS!!! I nEeD bAnAnAs!!" Donkey Kong yelled across the forest in the morning after a month had passed since the Banana robbery.  
  
"C'mon DK!! Calm down!!" Diddy Kong yelled as he and Tiny, Lanky and Dixie Kong were trying to hold him down from bringing down the whole place "Where's Chunky?!?!" Diddy Kong yelled again.  
  
"He's out with Funky Kong trying to find Bananas across the ocean, using Funky's plane!" Tiny Kong yelled still trying to restrain DK.  
  
"CUT OUT THAT RACKET YOU BABOONS!" Cranky Kong yelled coming into DK's house, and whacked them all in the head with his stick "Your going to wake Wrinkly up... poor dear was up all night trying to find out who took the bananas... so quiet down!" he said smacking them all with his stick again.  
  
"What's up ya'll?!" Funky asked looking a little burnt as did Chunky Kong who was behind him.  
  
"What happened to you two...?" Dixie asked laughing to see Chunky swaying around dizzily and Funky all ruined and dirty.  
  
"CHUNKY, over here... was a little too happy about flying the plane and when we tried to dodge a seagull in the air, he yanked the stick a little too hard and it came out... so then we ran into the seagull which took off our engine and we fell 20 000 feet from the air and hit the water and then the plane blew up..." Funky replied pulling the joy-stick out of his pocket which was sparking still.  
  
"A-hahahahaha!!!" they all laughed and fell to the ground but then released DK, as he went rampaging through the forest for bananas "DK!!" they yelled as they chased after him after laughing. After half an hour of chasing DK around the whole island they finally caught him and then –POOF- Swanky Kong appeared out of thin air before them  
  
"Aww... it's a family reunion..." he said looking at them "Well anyways, DK, bro, it's your lucky day today... IF you can get these two questions right..." he explained and DK snapped straight  
  
"WhAt'S tHe PrIzE?!" DK demanded  
  
"A couple year's worth of bananas AND a nice banana-shaped rocket to pursue your evil villain who stole all the bananas..." Swanky said with glee  
  
"OKAY!!" DK yelled "WHAT THE QUESTIONS..?!?!"  
  
"Okay... here we go... What... is a... wang...?" Swanky asked staring at the card bizarrely while DK started to blush and whispered (probably the answer) in his ear "THAT is correct!" Swanky yelled "Now question number deux... uhh... how much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, if a wood-chuck could chuck wood..?"  
  
"That would be... as much as it wants...?" DK asked scratching his head  
  
"NO! Sorry... wrong answer... but! Because your ma bro, I'll give it to you anyways... till next time... this is Swanky's questionnaire!"  
  
"Bro... are you feeling alright..?" DK asked as Swanky was waving to thin air  
  
"Yes! Well... here's your prize..." as a tonne of bananas fell on top of them "And here's the other.." as a shuttle appeared out of thin air as well "Tat a bro..." as he disappeared  
  
"BANANAS!!" as he jumped into the pile eating like mad... and decided after he was done... he'd chase down the one who caused him a month of suffering... that's if... he actually finishes eating...  
  
Kyo: Well... it's that time where the chapter ends now... but never fear... you will not have to wait long again... maybe... cause my reader's block has been destroyed... anywho, tat a! till next time folks! 


End file.
